In This Universe and the Next
by bettertoflee
Summary: The marks only hold the power you give them.


**AN: This is inspired by My Soul, Your Skin by followsrabbit on ao3. SKAM Evak soulmate-identifying marks AU. Enjoy :)**

* * *

The string of charcoal-grey letters appeared just inside his underarm the day after Eva called him out for sabotaging her relationship with Jonas. In a way it felt like Karma. In another way, it felt like he was being set free.

(Isak had spent more nights than he'd willingly admit contemplating how he'd feel if someone's name ever did etch its way across his skin. When Jonas had pulled him aside the summer he broke up with Ingrid and asked him to confirm the name he had written along the bottom of his foot, Isak was slightly disappointed to find that the rumor was true.)

(The idea of soulmates had always terrified him. He knew it was going to go one of three ways. There would be a girl's name, a boy's name, or no name at all. He tried not to think about which of the three was the worst-case scenario.)

When he first noticed the letters, he clutched his arm closed, squashing the name as hard as he could. If he didn't read it, he didn't need to acknowledge it, and by extension, it did not exist. Perhaps the name would go away if he avoided it long enough. Of course, ignoring something like that is easier said than done. There are some things in life that come to light no matter how hard you try to push them down and pretend they aren't true.

Isak held out much longer than he thought would have been possible. For almost an entire year, he got dressed with his back to the mirror. The underarm is an easy place to avoid, and easy enough to keep concealed from others if you're determined enough.

He had many conversations with Eva and Jonas about the marks – never together, of course.

This is where part of his anxiety came from.

Eva tried to act like she didn't care about them, but Isak knew she was more concerned than she let on. She would bring it up here and there, always under the guise of having recently read an article in Cosmo or having had a conversation with Noora about the topic earlier on in the day. Isak never questioned her. He also never said word about the fact that it was her name Jonas carried with him as he walked the halls of Nissen.

At times he wondered whether or not this was fair, but in the end, he resolved that he had inflicted enough pain on the pair. After all, 'Eva' was not Isak's name. It belonged to Jonas and Isak didn't think it right to out him in this way. Especially when Eva had yet to discover a mark of her own and had finally started to move on.

* * *

When Isak finally did give in, it was at three in the morning in Noora's bedroom the night after the first kosegruppa meeting.

(Technically it was _his_ bedroom, though it would always feel more like Noora's than his.)

For weeks now he had been thinking of all the possibilities of what he would find when he lifted his arm, but he was scared of disappointment just as much as he was scared of the truth.

He had caught a glimpse of the first letter on accident just before school started.

 _"E"_

E for Eva…E for Eskild…E for Elias. He thought of all the potential names that could be sitting there, tucked away, slowly burning a hole. Two stood out more significantly than these three and now seemed as good a time as any to discover the truth.

After meeting Emma for the first time at Eva's party, he almost let himself give in. It was more about satisfying curiosity than needing to know because he wanted the marking to say her name. Things would certainly be easier if it _was_ her name… He wouldn't have to question the things he had been feeling recently. He could go after her with a little more than the hope that he would feel something.

Perhaps if he read her name, etched there along the soft part of his underarm, he would actually develop some kind of real feelings toward her. If he told himself she was his _soulmate_ , surely then it would be true. It was worth a shot, wasn't it?

Of course, he was lying to himself if he thought having Emma as a soulmate would fix things for him. He would still be the same Isak and she would still be a girl.

Standing in front of the mirror, he eased his right wrist above his head until his armpit was exposed. The four letters, strung together with a velvet thread fell off his tongue like liquid amber – heavy, but sweet. Saying the name aloud was like breathing for the first time. Miraculously, Isak felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

* * *

He had decided to keep the name to himself, a silent, invisible secret that was only his. One of these days, he would share the name with its owner, but he wanted to be sure of a few things before doing so. You see, having a name – having a soulmate – it wasn't a cure-all and it would do him good to remember that.

Jonas had Eva's name, and yet, she was with Penetrator Chris and Jonas was surveying his options. To Isak's knowledge, Eva had yet to get any name at all. When he last talked to her, she was half convinced that it may never happen.

As he swayed to the music, letting Emma drape her arms over his shoulders, letting her kiss him like a girl kisses a boy, Isak couldn't keep from staring across the room. Even was staring right back and it made his brain go to mush. There was hot, molten lava flowing through his veins and his lower abdomen was filled with the fluttering of a thousand hummingbirds, their wings leaving no room for him to breathe. To Isak, it felt like they were the only two in the entire room – the entire universe.

Of course, that wasn't the case. Standing between them were Emma and Sonja, in addition to countless other moving bodies.

If it were possible, Even's name burned deeper into Isak's underarm.

Ever since reading it there, it had felt like he and the other boy shared something private. Even if Even had no knowledge of it.

Later that night, when they were finally alone, Isak thought that maybe he'd get the opportunity to read Even a little more clearly. He imagined telling Even he believed in soulmates, that he had a name. He imagined Even coming in close, giving him that look that he sometimes does when he first enters a room. Even would raise his eyebrows and ask, "oh, do you?" and Isak would gulp hard – not because he was lying, or because Even made him nervous, but because it would be the first time he'd tell anyone the truth.

He would nod and Even would smile…

But then Noora returned from London and everything Isak had been worrying over seemed to form solidly around him, his imagination fading into the background as reality took control. Eva had let it slip that Noora and William shared each others names. It would appear that they were soulmates – destined to be together.

And yet there she was, very much without William.

As Isak watched the sadness seep from Noora like a sponge being squeezed dry, he felt the weight of Even beside him, and the heavier weight of knowing that having someone's name burned into your being didn't have to mean anything. The markings weren't an act of science or an act of god. They were not a cure-all or a fix-all or a solution to feeling alone. They only held the power you gave them.

If Noora and William couldn't make it work, and they were both destined for each other, did anyone stand a chance?

* * *

As they crept up to the top of the hotel, overlooking all of Oslo through the glass windows of the elevator, Isak could tell Even was on top of the world, and it was making Isak feel like he'd died and gone to heaven. Kissing Even was like nothing Isak had ever dreamed was possible. It was better than water, better than air. Better than anything he'd ever experienced. He was so drunk off Even's energy, his presence, that he didn't think twice before letting him drag the fabric of his shirt up and over this head, exposing his skin and his mark in one swift motion.

It was everything he'd been dreaming of since he first read Even's name on the soft underbelly between his ribs and his arm. He could feel it grow warm the second Even's lips touched his. It grew warmer as Even's lips moved to paint other areas of his canvas.

Even gave him a goofy look and Isak immediately leaned in and captured his lips. Fuck the mark, fuck destiny, and fuck soulmates. He wanted Even because that's what he wanted, no other reason. He didn't even mention the mark, and if Even saw it, he didn't bring it up.

Later, when he woke, it was not for lack of being tired, or even because he could feel the bed empty beside him. There was a cold throbbing in his heart, and he could sense the small tendril of thread linking it to Even's name. He was not surprised to roll over and find that he was alone.

* * *

Isak stayed cold until the kosegruppa party.

Somewhere between setting up Vilde's Christmas tree and watching Even help Eskild with the mistletoe, he realized that he was smiling again. As he looked around the room, he noticed that he was not as alone as he felt, and he hoped that Even was seeing the same. Even's name was growing warm again, a sensation he had deeply missed, and he silently vowed to keep it that way as long as possible.

When Eva asked if he was in love, if he had found the man of his dreams, he answered that he wasn't sure. It was partially for her benefit but also partially true. Penetrator Chris was there, and Isak hoped that meant she was either less concerned with the marks, or that Chris' name had finally appeared across her finger or behind her ear…but he wasn't sure, and he didn't feel like that was something he could just _ask_.

Either way, it seemed to imply that she still did not bear Jonas' name, and that only reminded him that the mark of a soulmate made no promises. And for that reason, he didn't want to claim to having found anything other than the man whose name he bore. No that he even admitted this to anyone but himself.

Just because Even was the man of Isak's dreams did not mean the same could be said in reverse.

So when there was a knock on the door and Eskild went to answer it, Isak forced himself up – forced himself to walk over and take Even to a separate room.

"Hi," he said, leaning against the wall.

"Hi," Even replied. He got a little closer. "Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves."

"Yeah, I think so. Are you having a good time?"

"I am," Even said, brushing a hand through his hair. He gave Isak a wild grin. "I'm glad you talked me into coming. Your friend, Eskild, he's really…something."

"Hey, now," Isak started, "I don't like to hear my boyfriend talking about other guys that way…I don't need to worry, do I?"

"No," Even said. "No worrying."

Isak stared at him a moment. The mark throbbed enough that he could feel his muscles spasm just slightly.

"Good," he said. "Because I have rights, you know."

Even busted out laughing. "Rights? Is that so?"

"Yeah," Isak said, a smile of his own growing. "You know, I'm not _just_ someone your mom hired to keep track of you. I had a legal, binding contract before that."

Even was patient. "Tell me more…"

Isak faltered for a moment. He was going to do it, but he wanted to do it right.

"Do you believe in soulmates?" he asked.

Even leaned in closer, moved his feet so that they were positioned between Isak's, moved his hips so that they were centimeters away from bumping into his.

"Didn't you ever see mine?" he asked quietly.

Isak could feel Even's breath warm against his skin.

"What?"

Even reached out and instead of taking Isak's hand or going in through the collar of his shirt, he reached downward and slid his hand up from the bottom. His fingers grazed over his ribs, then his chest, then up into the crook of his right arm. All the while, they did not break eye contact, didn't look away for a single second.

"It's here, isn't it?" Even said. "That night at the hotel. You were so lost…so…full of something. I didn't want to ruin the moment."

Isak's stomach plummeted and his face must have given him away.

"That's not what I meant," Even said with a soft smile. He pulled his hand back and reached for his sweater, pulling it off and letting it fall to the floor then following suit with his shirt until he was standing there in the hall.

Even shirtless.

Isak breathless.

Slowly, Even lifted his arm to reveal a small assembly of letters in the same exact spot as Isak's.

"Read it," Even said.

Isak licked his lips. His heart was beating so fast that he could feel it in his throat, at the back of his tongue, radiating through the nerves of his teeth.

"Isak," he said, his voice cracking, barely above a whisper. "Why did you never say?"

Even let his arm fall back to his side. "I didn't want to scare you off," he said through a laugh. "You're a skittish one, Isak Valtersen. It couldn't be risked."

* * *

When they finally rejoined the party, nearly a half hour later, Isak could sense that they were one person short. He looked around the room until he could pinpoint who was missing. He grabbed Eva by the elbow and bent his head so that he couldn't be heard.

"Where's Noora?"

Eva gave him a funny look – one of either disdain or reservation. Perhaps one of disappointment, not in Noora's situation, but in her own.

"She's outside," she said slowly. "William's here. They're talking."

Though he did not let this show outwardly, Isak's heart quieted, settled down to a normal rhythm, and he leaned in a little closer to Even, let himself relax. It was just the thing he needed to hold on to.

Just enough hope to make the idea of soulmates a reality. If Noora could forgive William, and if William could go after Noora, then surely he and Even could work through whatever this universe or the next threw their way.

 _They had to_.

They were soulmates.


End file.
